An Atheist, The Bible, and Notepad
by Java Trinomial
Summary: (New Chapter) Broken dreams, locus iste, the tears of the roses and sacrificing goats for Christians. Or, another wandering poem.
1. Serene

Somedays I wonder if there's a reason   
outside of pure masochism   
for coming back here day after day. 

I am being honest with you. 

Not that I haven't been honest - I have   
every poem was, good or bad, from my heart.   
But sometimes maybe honesty isn't good enough. 

But I wouldn't know what was, then. 

~ 

Maybe the Luciferians are right, and so much pain   
causes from trying to help other people.   
Because I look around at so much around me -   
people trying to help by conversion   
because their way is The Only Way -   
and it makes me want to cry. 

Forcing people only hurts them, whether it is   
that you bond them or break their chains.   
But do you know, I have seen both forcings and yet   
I cannot decide which is worse. 

But violence created DaVinci and Dante,   
while peace gave only the coocoo clock.

There must be change inside. But who am I   
to say that we should become more free?   
Maybe slavery is humanity's proper status after all. 

~ 

And if that is true, why is it I feel a stirring in my bosom   
a rage and depairing desire jabbing tendrils   
into my brain?   
Why does that seem so wrong and cruel and vicious?   
Why? Is this pride, to be demanding to be treated   
with human respect by all beings of the multiverse.   
Is that the hideous sin called pride, that I want love   
and acceptance and respect as well? 

Sometimes my cynical side explains things.   
Pride's just a way to keep slaves down. But I know   
that hubris can create the greatest cliffs of all.

I can't explain it, but I know I am not a sinner.   
And I know the whole human race has no sin either.   
Sin is a crime against God. There is no God. 

~ 

Do you know, I used to be Christian once,   
and kept that faith through pain and despair, against the advice   
of even my best Christian friends. And then   
my reality just smashed me into the pavement   
and screamed LOOK SEE UNDERSTAND DAMNIT?! 

And when I got up and wiped the blood off my nose,   
God didn't exist, and I knew all that time   
I was lying to myself. I knew, like I know   
the sky is blue, my hair is blonde, 

and Evan's smile is greater than a million green-eyed   
gargoyles' smirks.

And all the time I thought it was Jesus who loved me,   
it was me who loved myself,   
and I did not feel the worse for it. 

~ 

People rant on about praying for some heathen on the board,   
for or against, and I guess it's silly,   
Matthew 6:5-6, that Rabbi that Christian's follow,   
he tell them not too. Why is it sometimes,   
that I feel I'm the only one here who has read the Gospels? 

And sometimes I feel left out,   
because I never got the conversion letters all the other heathens got.   
Am I a lost cause to you? That might be considered to be good.   
I don't much know. 

~ 

Have you really read me so far? I rejoice.   
Have a s'more, and review whilst you munch.   
But be forewarned, I should say,   
that I allow not poison, and if you consider that proper,   
I will consider simple retribution.   
Debate and technicals, go right ahead. 

_to my oji-sama, for being alive_


	2. Lemons

I sat next to a girl yesterday  
with golden-copper cury locks  
a soft nose and beautiful ovaline face  
normal sized, a small delicate bosom  
cuves that cried out for me to draw them  
in elegant erotic poetry over and over again.  
She smiled at my jokes.  
and laughed moonlight.  
  
I think that YHWH was a sadist a lot.  
  
~  
  
Bible stories, bible stories,  
get 'em while they're hot with human bias  
and divine viciousness. But there is no divine -  
why do I repeat it? God and heaven are dreams,  
ivory gold ribbons to lure the masses in  
so they can chain them in beliefs.  
  
It's true that an idea can be better than belief.  
I hope Alanis isn't too angry with me then, heh.  
  
And if one ask me to prove it, I say:  
Read my stories. I have quite a collection,  
and if you can do that, and somehow find no answer,  
then come and bitch at me. My mind is more complex  
than any one poem could envelop, and even  
a library could only brush my thoughts  
innermost.  
  
But I know, dear reader, you are better than that,  
to flame blindly into the night.  
  
~  
  
What sect was I? How silly.  
I read the Bible. Isn't that all that Protestants want?  
I absorbed readings, tried to adapt them. Except-  
I must share a secret. Before I realized it wasn't all true,  
anything after the Gospel I ignored. Because, you see,  
Jesus was the son of God, right? What could another say  
that he hadn't?  
  
Now I think people ignore the Gospel and just read Paul.  
He was a legalist, a Pharisee - and even after  
the road to Damascus, he was still a legalist.  
He twisted Jesus' words greater than any atheist could.  
  
~  
  
ah, but I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit.  
And I don't mind the fact I have. Ah well.  
There's nothing after life - so I must make this world  
a heaven for all people. Simple.  
  
~  
  
Poor infants.  
You see, even though it's argued and debated,  
YHWH killed so many babies in the Bible.  
And I guess I'm just too softhearted,  
or too disobedient to my creator  
to not question murder, even IN war, of a child.  
  
~  
  
They killed God in Adolescence of Utena  
in one petal-strewn rush of exhaust and naked women.  
  
I love that movie.  
  
But this is not enough.  
  
~~~~~  
  
A/N: Sarathiel, if you have any money, buy the first Utena DVD. The Rose Collection. You will never regret it. And if you don't, 'tis what KaZaA/WinXP is for. ^^ 


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